Above: This does not appear to be a legitimate doctor. At best, he will likely ‘goose’ you whilst you are subdued via anesthesia.  I don’t really understand why a sleazy physician makes a good metaphor for a compression pedal.

Above: SuperFuzz.  It’s like a smug cop.  Ok…

Above: the Maestro Ring Modulator.  This is a rare one, I believe.  Do you get the feeling that this advert tells NOTHING about what this thing actually sounds like, other than it makes ‘unheard of sounds?’  This is likely because ring mod is really very hard to describe in words, and its effects really can be incredibly varied.  It actually synthesizes new pitches by outputting the sum and difference (in hertz) of your monophonic performance input and some second signal – in this case, likely an internal ‘carrier’ oscillator whose pitch is determined by the panel fader there.  I love ring mod.  It’s great that a few companies (Moog, EH) are making ring mod pedals again. A truly wild sound with a ton of applications for modern music.

Above: The Echoplex line of 1972.  The EM-1, ES-2, and EP-3.  Better than hanging out in a trash can.  Kinda need one of these.

Above: The Bass Brassmaster.  Tuba/trombone/bass sax players end up homeless/hobos/vagrants as a result.  Great, thanks.